dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
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Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
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I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
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