I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
