she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
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