carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
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