so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I will pee on everything he values.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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