HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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