Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
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