onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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