So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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