Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
