there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
