You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
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