I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
