I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
So apparently I’m into choking now
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
