They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
He felt like a one man threesome
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
