I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Randomize
