too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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