You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
