saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Randomize
