Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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