I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
