I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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