I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
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