You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
