u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Dicks are not precious.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
