I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
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