I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Randomize
