K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
