Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Randomize
