Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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