ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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