My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Randomize