Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
