i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Randomize
