While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?