hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
29 People Confess The Worst Example Of Dirty Talk They’ve Ever Heard
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
21 Women Compare Anal and Vaginal Sex
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me