she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it