hotel room ftw
You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
one might say we're banned from that church
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
