My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
