Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
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