i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
If that was your dad, he is hot
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
