My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
you never un-have a 4some
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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