Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
