you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
