At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
