I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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