she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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