I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
this is an emotional support booty call
It's shark week go big or go home
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
