My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
