I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
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