So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
