I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
