Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize
