3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
