i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
How does one acquire holy water?
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
