Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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