My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
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