wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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