you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
