Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Randomize
