Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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