good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
