hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Randomize
