i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
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