you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Randomize
