Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
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