woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize