Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
