I cannot find my penis.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
