I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
