He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
is this the sara with the beer cane?
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
