the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize