I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
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