You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
