This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
