I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
