So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
