my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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