hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Too much gin, very little bucket
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
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