My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
